Effectively Kill 99.99% of All Pride
Few things rob us of our capacity to learn, grow, and connect like pride. Fortunately, there are several effective agents to remove the poison of pride.
The other day I wrote about the perils of pride. To recap, pride is a state that reinforces static notions of our identities, erecting boundaries about who we are and are not and what we can or cannot do. What I didn’t write about about was how to counteract pride’s impact, i.e. how to maintain a flexible sense of self that bobs and weaves with reality rather than stands motionless, getting pummeled by it.
It is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
—Saint Francis Prayer
Today is Sunday, a day I often use to reflect on the upcoming week, and I figured there aren’t many things I can do —or write about —this week more important than diminishing the power of pride. Not only does pride keep lives stuck, it makes writing uninteresting. The proud writer writes to reinforce what he knows—about himself, others, and the world —rather writing to inquire about and reveal what he does not.
In the interest of undermining pride’s power and enriching my writing, here are a few things I find to be effective pride repellents:
Taking risks: That uneasy feeling we get sharing something meaningful about ourselves or when we try something or go someplace new —that’s our consciousness stepping beyond the boundaries of pride. In the act of taking risks, we challenge and expand what we believe we are capable of. While some risks are physical (e.g. skydiving) and some are destructive (e.g. trying Fentanyl), most of us are best off taking heartfelt emotional risks (e.g. expressing feelings, sharing something personal, etc.) to effectively trash our sense of pride.
Generosity and sacrifice: Want to challenge notions of your resources? Give away what you think you lack. Generous, sacrificing people are not limited people. Being generous and willing to sacrifice your resources is a statement to ourselves about ourselves saying we are sufficient (or abundant) and connected when pride says we are limited and isolated.
Humility: Informed primarily by notions shaped in past experiences, pride tells us we are too good—or sometimes not good enough—to do many useful things. Asking for help, admitting the limitations of our knowledge, and doing stuff that’s “beneath” us are all acts of humility that erode pride’s influence and expands our capabilities. Humility won’t diminish our worth or capabilities, but it will give the existential flexibility to be who we need to be —high, medium, or low —to respond appropriately to whatever is happening in the present.
Forgiveness: Anger and resentment depend on holding a fixed conception of the object of our contempt; they say that—whatever “that” is—was or is wrong, and our condemnation is our way of reinforcing the veracity of the wrongness to ourselves. Forgiveness challenges our conceptions of who, or what, the object of our contempt is about, allowing it to be something other than what our anger and resentment says it is—e.g. moving from condemnation to compassion for those who harm. In so doing, forgiveness requires that we must be something other that what our anger, resentment, and hurt says we are.