I think about death a lot. I wouldn’t say I have experienced death more than most, but my exposure has been sufficient to appreciate death’s gravity and inevitability. Watching my father’s protracted battle with lung cancer was an especially illuminating lesson in endings (and beginnings, as my first son was born nine days later). My final image of my dad, a man once brimming with energy and good health, was of his skeletal frame plastered to his bed desperately grasping for air and eager for the end.
The average American man’s life expectancy is 73, and it’s 6 years more for the average American woman. While some of us can reasonably expect to live a few more years than average owing to our lifestyles, death and entropy catch up with the best of us.
I believe in reincarnation and don’t view death as an absolute ending. But I do believe each incarnation is unique and carries specific stuff to work out towards furthering our evolution. And there are consequences for not working that stuff during our lifetimes —consequences that range from pangs of regret to being reborn in a hell realm (at least according to some Buddhists).
The short video above is one of many lists you can find online about the regrets of the dying and what they wished they’d done differently when they had the time and ability. Among other regrets, people wish they felt free to be themselves, that they expressed their feelings more, and worked less. Most relate to my post the other day about being internally and externally motivated —that people withhold their characters and feelings because they fear how others will respond, that people work owing to external material concerns and societal expectations, and so forth.
As important as the stuff dying people regretted not doing is the stuff not mentioned, or as Paul Tsongas* was famous for saying, “No one on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time on my business.’” I am confident the same could be said about watching TV, endless online scrolling, and commuting—all cornerstone activities of modern life in America and beyond.
This is all to say that when evaluating if you’re going about something in the right way or if something is worth doing, a good question to ask yourself is, “If I was about to die, would I be okay with how I’m feeling and acting right now?” and “If I was about to die, would I okay using my time doing this?”
*Tsongas was quoting his friend, Arnold Zack.
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